Top 10 Signs that You`ve Overdosed on The World Wide Web
Your opening line is: "So, what`s your homepage address?"
You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn`t Do Anything" again and again and again.
Your dog has his own webpage.
So does your hamster.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
Real Life & Commands
5 minutes ago you were travelling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are travelling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance. You wish there was UNDO in life!
You are already late, and your key is missing. You wish there was FIND TOOL in life!
You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business. You wish there was REBUILD ALL in life!
The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end. You wish there was ZOOM & VIEW FULL SCREEN in life! IF NOT FOR "Replace"!
One day you realize that you are turning bald. You wish there was CUT & PASTE in life!
After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch. You wish there was an EVALUATION PERIOD or at least a sample down load or a DEMO version !
True Software Professional!!
Husband is a Software Professional!!
Husband : Good evening dear, I am now logged in.
Wife : Have you brought the ring?
Husband : Bad command or File name.
Wife : But I told in the mornin.......
Husband : Erroneous Syntax, Abort?
Wife : What about your salary?
Husband : File in use.
Wife : What about my new saree?
Husband : Variable not found.
Wife : At least give me your credit card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation, Access Denied.
Wife : Do you love me or do you only like computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters.
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married a stupid guy like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are a useless nut.
Husband : It is by default.
Wife : By the way who was in the car this morning ?
Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to reboot.
Laloo Prasad & Bill Gates
The following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.
Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
Lallo : Oh yes! In most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Lallo : I have removed all windows due to increased burglaries in our house.
Gates (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Lallo : OPERATION ? Yes I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Lallo : Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates : By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Lallo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Lallo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates (Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Lallo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Lallo : I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates : I have no energy left let us go out and have a bite.
Lallo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Computer engineer!
A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering.
The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor."
The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alternator."
The computer engineer brightened up and said, "I know, let`s stop the car, all get out of the car and get back in again!"
Five reasons computers must be female...
5.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Itemized billing!
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is!".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly, again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No comments:
Post a Comment