Hearing Aid
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.
"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from 100 bucks to 10,000."
"Let's see the cheaspest model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's neck.
"You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psychic Chat
A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The granddaughter, wide-eyed responds, "Grandma? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really you, Grandma?" the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"When did you learn to speak English?"
"How does it work?" the customer asked. "For 100 RS it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mental Hospital
A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day.
At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door.
There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching a clawing at the door and the handle.
The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients.
Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door.
The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, "I've got the key!"
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr`s Receptionist
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said."
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it, the man replied."
The doctor's office erupted in laughter
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peeing Problem
A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.
The newcomer asks, "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?"
The man replies, "I am waiting to see the doctor."
"W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?"
The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem.
"A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?"
"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miracle Doctor
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do except for Banta, the town's grouch.
So Banta went to this 'Miracle Doctor' to prove that he wasn't so miraculous.
He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing, so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tell Banta, "What you need is jar number 43."
"Jar number 43?", Banta wonders.
So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Banta to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is Shit!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Banta," says the doctor.
So Banta goes home very mad.
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health Minister
The health minister is visiting a psychiatric ward. He asks the head of psychology, "How do you determine if a patient is cured."
The psychologist explains:
"We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub."
"I see," says the health minister, "the cured person would choose the cup because it`s bigger, and would empty the tub faster."
"Actually no," replies the psychologist, "a normal person would simply pull the plug."
One month later, Banta goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Banta, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Banta fled the office.
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bleeding Man
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally, the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical book and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed.
After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger....... "Dead men do bleed!!"
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Serious Patient
A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical Opinions
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that,"
The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think?"
Then one of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
And the old man said, "You thought, but you're wrong."
So they asked him, "So what do you have?"
And the old man said, "I thought I needed to fart. I thought, but I was wrong."
• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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