SPORTS JOKES

The Golf Trip
Paul and his buddies were hanging out and planning a 5-day golf trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go because his wife wouldn't let him.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Paul headed home totally frustrated.

The following week when Paul's buddies arrived at the golf resort, they were shocked to see Paul sitting in the lobby, drinking a beer, holding his putter.

"How did you talk your wife into letting you go, Paul?"

"I didn't have to," Paul replied. "Last I night I slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then, my wife sneaked up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise.' When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and said, 'Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'... so here I am.






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The Water Ball
A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Florida exactly the way the pros do it.

The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something he had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.

However, before he could hit it, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying, "WAIT...REPLACE THAT OLD BALL WITH A BRAND NEW ONE."

He complied, with some slight misgiving, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "WAIT. STEP BACK... TAKE A PRACTICE SWING."

So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

The voice boomed out again, "TAKE ANOTHER PRACTICE SWING."

Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited. A long silence followed.......

Then the voice boomed again: "USE THE OLD BALL."





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Blonde Teacher
A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know.' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why?' says the blonde.

The boy says, 'Because I am the f#cking goalie!






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The Scuba Diver
One day, a scuba diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. Looking around, he saw a guy at the same depth without any scuba gear on, so, he decided to go down another 20 feet.

He took another look around, and low and behold, there was the same guy. I can't believe it, thought the scuba diver, I bet he can't go down another 25 feet.

So the diver goes down another 25 feet and, again, there is the guy!

Totally amazed, the scuba diver pulls out a chalkboard and writes, "How the heck are you able to go so deep and stay under so long without any equipment?"

The guy grabs the chalkboard and writes, "I'm drowning you moron!"




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IPL Effects on Education
Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion:

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50.

2. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit i.e, a chance foe students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall.

5. Introduce their fair play awards.

6. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written.

7. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e, maximum sixes of the match.

JAI HO!




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Equal Privileges
A country club didn’t allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.

The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women’s club and became very active.

After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women’s club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.

After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.

After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!





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18 Holes of Golf
Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home from the club to an irate, ranting wife.

"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost nine. It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."

"Honey, wait," said Harry. "Let me explain. I know what I promised you, but I have a very good reason for being late. Fred and I tee'd off right on time and everything was find for the first three holes. Then, on the fourth tee Fred had a stroke. I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't find a doctor. And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead. So, for the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...




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Respect For Funeral Procession
Seems George was playing his usual eighteen holes on Saturday afternoon. Teeing off from the 17th, he sliced into the rough over near the edge of the fairway. Just as he was about to chip out, he noticed a long funeral procession going past on a nearby street.

Reverently, George removed his hat and stood at attention until the procession had passed. Then he continued his game, finishing with a birdie on the eighteenth.

Later, at the clubhouse, a fellow golfer greet George, "Say, that was a nice gesture you made today, George."

"What do you mean?" asked George.

"Well, it was nice of you to take off your cap and stand respectfully when that funeral went by," the friend replied.

"Oh, yes," said George. "Well, we were married 17 years, you know."





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Worst Golfer!
One day, John Smith decided to go to a new golf course where no one knew him, just to get away and see if he could do better elsewhere.

He hired a caddy to guide him around the course. After another day of slices, duff shots, misread putts and bad temper, he was obviously upset.

He turned to the caddy and said, "You know I must be the worst golfer in the world."

The caddy replied, "I think not sir, I have heard there is a guy named John Smith from across town who is the worst player ever!"





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The Smart Neighbour
Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels's house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something.

"He won't get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"





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Equal Privileges
A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.

The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active.

After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter.

After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action.

After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!






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Talented Dog
A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles.

Amazed, the friend says, “Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?”

“Somersaults,” the man says.

“Somersaults!” the friend exclaims.

“That’s incredible. How many does he do?”

“It all depends on how hard I kick him.”





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Young Golfer
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not wanting to be rude, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot.

There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."





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