BLONDE JOKES 4

The Killer Jigsaw Puzzle

One morning a blonde calls her friend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out how to start it." Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it`s a tiger." The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture ofthat tiger." "Second, I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box! • ~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fire Saftey! When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam." Later a blonde employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze! • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~ Blonde`s Eye Exam A blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time, found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."  • ~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~ Smart Blonde I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's a blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark." • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mental Deficiency A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at a large gathering, and his blonde hostess broached a subject of which the doctor was most at ease. "Doctor, would you mind telling me," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question, one which anyone should be able to answer without any problem. If he or she hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" asked the hostess. "Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" the doctor replied. The blonde thought for a moment, then said, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I've never known very much about history!" • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Turkey Rolls A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs, "Steve doesn't appreciate the things I do for him." "Now, now, dear," her mother replies, in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young bride wails, "I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price." "Well, that is being a little cheap," the mother agrees. "Those turkey rolls don't cost more than a few of dollars." "It wasn't the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about, mother," says the blonde, "it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket?" What are you talking about?" asks the confused mother. "Why did you need an airplane ticket?" "Well, mother," the blonde explains, "when I went to prepare the turkey roll, I checked the directions on the back. It said, 'Prepare from a frozen state', so I flew to Alaska!" • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cheap Cruise A blonde enters a restaurant and goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. On the board, she sees a piece of paper that reads "Ocean Cruise - Only $10". She pulls the piece of paper from the board and goes to the address listed on the back of it. She enters the building and hands the paper to the secretary who nods and asks the blonde if she has ten dollars. The blonde takes five dollars from her purse and gives it to the secretary. The secretary then looks over to a burly guy reading a newspaper and nods to him. He stands up, walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious. When she wakes up, she finds that she's tied to a log and is floating down the river. She starts to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. All of a sudden, she sees one of her blonde friends tied to a log floating right next to her. "So, do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?" the blonde asks her friend. "They didn't serve any last year!" her blonde friend replies.

• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHEIKDR ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~